Being Cut By Thousands Of Knifes
by RealChoChang
Summary: My first English HP-fic. Just read and please review!


Hi @ll!  
This is the first shortstory I've written. I hope the translation isn't too bad.  
If you read it, please review.  
If I have the time I'm going to translate more, soon.  
Somebody asked me to continue the story. What do you think? If enough people like a part two I'm going to do one.  
All characters belong to Joanne K. Rowling.  
If you want to public this story please ask me by mailing to RealChoChang@gmx.net!  
Now have fun!  
~ Cho  
  
**Being Cut By Thousands Of Knifes  
**  
It was raining. Thick drops of water were hitting hard against the windows of the Gryffindor common room making much noise. Not very clearly you could see the Forbidden Forest far away. The leaves on the trees had turned yellow, red and brown. It was autumn.  
  
You could hear the loud whistling of the wind in the room which was warmed by a fire and in which different pupils sat together doing their homework, playing games or just talking.  
  
Only one person didn't take part in the happy scene: Hermione, who was normally going around with Harry and Ron sat in a big armchair near the fire, alone, her eyes looking at the moving flames.  
  
~~~  
  
_From the first time I've seen him I always wanted to be together with him.  
  
When I put the Sorting Hat I only wished to be sorted in the same house he was going to be in.  
  
The last four years we did everything together. We got together through the ordinary school days, cleared mysteries, got through many dangerous adventures, laughed and cried together. Our best friend was always with us.  
  
Yes, I can still remember all of our first year here, at Hogwarts. We lifted the mystery of the Sorcerer's Stone, in the end Harry had to face Lord Voldemort all by himself. When Harry was a baby he had broken Voldemort's power without knowing which made him a hero in the magical world. Harry was able to get away from him again.  
  
After the Chamber Of Secrets was opened in our second year and muggle-born were attacked we thought of Malfoy as Slytherin's heir and made a Polyjiuce Potion in the girl's toilet in which Mauling Myrte is still living to turn into pupils from Slytherin and ask Malfoy if he knew who Slytherin's heir was.  
  
For me it was really bad because instead of hair from a Slytherin girl I put one of her cat into my potion. This let grew hair in my face and a cat's tail.  
  
Harry and Ron didn't laugh, instead they visited me in the hospital wing day by day and brought the stuff which they had done in the lessons with them.  
  
After I found out what kind of monster was living in the Chamber Of Secrets and were the chamber was I had been petrified, so I wasn't able to warn my two best friends.  
  
Only a very short time later they found out by themselves and were able to save Ginny, Ron's sister, who was handling under the influence of 16-year-old Tom Riddle whose soul was saved in hid diary Ginny got from Mr. Malfoy. She had opened the chamber without knowing.  
  
In our third year we lived together with fear because we thought Sirius Black was looking for Harry to kill him.  
  
Later we found out that Sirius was innocent and had been the best friend of Harry's parents and that Lily and James had made him Harry's godfather.  
  
From then on Harry was in contact with him.  
  
An then - the Triwizard Tournament.  
  
Although he was too young to take part Harry was made one of the champions without really wanting to become one. Somebody had been able to fool the Goblet Of Fire that in the end there were two Hogwarts champions.  
  
Like the other champions Harry had to do very hard tasks.  
  
Viktor Krum who was Durmstrang champion came to the library very often and told me one day he was in love with me. Of course I was a bit happy about that, but also disappointed. Why couldn't it be him?  
  
Within the third and last task the champions had to do Viktor and Fleur Delacour who was the champion of Beauxbatons were soon out of action. Harry and Cedric, the second Hogwarts champion, wanted to share the victory because they had helped each other through the tournament. So they touched the cup which turned out to be a portkey and brought the winner directly to Lord Voldemort at the same time.  
  
Cedric was murdered and Harry had to look and take part at the Dark Lord's return. Afterwards he had to fight a duel with Voldemort.  
  
Harry was able to get away to bring Cedric's body back to Hogwarts.  
  
But this wasn't already the end. Mad-Eye Moody, Detention against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts who had been an auror when he was younger, kidnapped Harry to finish what Voldemort had started. He wanted to kill Harry. Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape came in time to stop Moody who turned out to be Barty Crouch, the son of Percy Weasleys boss. Everybody thought he died in Azkaban years ago.  
  
Yes, that's right, many of the events were really horrible, but somehow this time was the best of my life. I wanted everything to go on like this forever. But some months ago everything turned different on Harry's birthday.  
  
He and Cho are together, now. They really love each other.  
  
Every time I see or think about the two of them I feel like my heart was cut by thousands of knifes. It hurts.  
  
I know, I should be happy for the two of them, but I'm just not able to.  
  
I really wish I was Cho. I want to lie in Harry's arms and tell him what I feel.  
  
But what would he say? He would surely tell me to go away.  
  
But I can't keep it any longer. I have to talk to somebody about it.  
  
~~~  
  
_Hermione got up and walked to her room to get a warm cloak. Then she went to the common room again and left the tower.  
  
With her head turned down Hermione walked through the corridors and reached finally the Great Hall. She walked to the door and left the castle.  
  
Rain and wind hit hard against Hermione's face. Now she noticed that her face had been very hot because the raindrops seemed to her like ice. Hermione's face cooled down, soon. After only a few minutes her hair and her capes were totally wet, there wasn't anything dry at her body. But Hermione didn't really notice. She continued walking to the lake.  
  
Hermione wanted to talk to somebody about her feelings and her sadness. But to whom could she talk? Hermione never had had a girl who could have helped her with such problems as a friend. No, she had never had a girl as a good friend. She had always stayed with Harry and Ron.  
  
She sat down at a tree. From here she could see the lake clearly.  
  
Hermione felt her eyes become wet. Silent tears ran over her cheeks.  
  
~~~  
  
_What the hell is going on with me? Why am I running through the landscape in this horrible weather? Why can't I let Hermione by herself? She's so silly! And if she turns ill, it's her own fault!  
  
But I just can't let her alone. I can't do it.  
  
The last days, weeks, no, months I was thinking about her very often. I think about all we did together the last four years. Yeah, I can clearly remember all of it.  
  
Last year I started this silly argument only because Hermione had been going to the Christmas ball with Viktor Krum. At this time I didn't know why I behaved so silly and not according to my age. Today I think I had just been jealous.  
  
Hermione is a little know-it-all and is often getting on my nerves. But I like this. I really do like this. I want to stay with her forever and I want to be there for her and help her with her problems.  
  
And now she's outside in this damn weather and runs around somewhere. She'll get ill! Why is she just so foolish?  
  
Somehow she seemed to be other then usual the last weeks. She seemed lonely and unhappy. It hurts to see her this way.  
  
Maybe she needs somebody to talk to? I don't know if I can be helpful but I'll always be there to listen to her._  
  
~~~  
  
Although it was a horrible weather Ron went around outside. His skin was already wet and his body was shaking. But Ron was so occupied by thinking that he didn't notice.  
  
He walked to the direction where the lake was. There, only some metres away, she was. She was leaning against a tree and looking at the lake like she was watching the waves. Hermione's long and curly hair was wet and seemed straight like it was hanging over her shoulders. Ron thought that she looked very beautiful sitting in the rain and looking at the lake.  
  
Slowly and without making any noise Ron walked some metres to Hermione's direction. He wanted to sit down next to her and hug her, but he was frightened. What would she say? What would she do? Ron was fighting with himself. He was frightened about Hermione's reaction. Finally Ron closed his eyes and cleared his head. He only tried to listen to his heart which was now beating faster and faster.  
  
Then he walked to Hermione, lay his right arm over her shoulders and took a seat on her left side. He had done it. Ron's heartbeat raised. He waited nervously for Hermione's reaction. She only gave him a short gaze and said "Hello Ron".  
  
Seeing Hermione's face Ron was a bit shocked. Her eyes were wet and tears were running over her cheeks.  
  
"Hermione, what happened?"  
  
Suddenly Hermione threw herself into Ron's arms and started sobbing. She just needed somebody to comfort her. And here was Ron, her best friend. Hermione felt Ron putting carefully his arms around her and squeezing her a bit.  
  
Hermione felt that Ron was nervous, but she just ignored it. She was just too happy to have somebody with her to whom she could talk and who would share her sorrow. It felt so good not to be left alone. It felt so good that there was somebody.  
  
Hermione let her head rest on Ron's shoulder and just let the tears run freely down her cheeks.  
  
Ron went more nervous second by second. He feared Hermione could feel his fast heartbeat, but she didn't seem to notice.  
  
"Hermione-" Ron stopped searching for the right words. "Hermione. You know, you can tell me everything." Ron took a break again. "Tell me what happened. I'm sure it'll help to talk."  
  
Hermione looked up. She lifted her head and tried to clean her face with her cloak. Then she sobbed again, threw her arms around Ron's neck and squeezed him as hard as she could. Then she started to tell her best friend about her sadness.  
  
"Oh Ron!" Hermione took a break for thinking how to describe her situation best. She decided to come tight to the point. "Ron, I- I think, I'm in love with Harry. I liked him for ages and I'm always thinking about him. But he and Cho... Every time I see them it feels like being cut by thousands of knifes. It really hurts. I just don't know what to do..."  
  
Hermione's last words were hardly understandable because she started sobbing again in the end. She squeezed Ron harder and again tears were coming out of her eyes.  
  
Ron in this moment just felt like Hermione had described her pain. His heart seemed to be cut by thousands of knifes at the same time.  
  
Here he sat, the girl he loved in his arms. But she just told him she was in love with his best friend. And Harry was in love with Cho. Why had everything just to be so complicated?  
  
Ron who had been strong all the time and never really had shown his real feelings was despairing. He wasn't able to stop it, it was too hard. His eyes became wet and filled with tears. The first time for years Ron let his sadness out. He squeezed Hermione harder and began crying.  
  
Hermione had never seen him crying. He had been so brave that all the time she had known him he hadn't cried.  
  
Longer than six years Ron hadn't cried. When he was sad he just turned into himself. The last time he remembered himself crying was when Fred and George had turned his beloved teddy into a spider. Now he felt how wrong it was to hide everything. It felt good to cry. Now that he had started crying Ron didn't try to stop his tears.  
  
Hermione had stopped sobbing and asked herself what Ron was bothering. It had to be very important because he was crying.  
  
"Ron. What's bothering you? What happened?"  
  
Hermione wanted to calm Ron down a bit but because of her own uneasiness it was hardly possible.  
  
Ron thought about telling Hermione but he was frightened of her reaction.  
  
"Ron. Talk about it. I'm not going to tell anybody if you don't want me to. Just believe me and tell me what's bothering you."  
  
Suddenly everything came out. Ron couldn't have stopped it, either he wanted to or not.  
  
"I- I don't know how to tell you... My head's just spinning. Nothing is as it was. Everything has changed. Everything is so complicated. I just want everything to go on like it was earlier forever. Bu now..."  
  
Now they had changed rolls. Hermione who had been crying now tried to comfort Ron who tried to describe his worries.  
  
"Do you remember our argument because of Krum last year? I was only jealous. I've behaved very silly and childish. I'm sorry... Hermione... The last months I only thought about you..."  
  
Hermione's mouth dropped open slowly. "Oh Ron, I'm so sorry!"  
  
With a short moving of his hand Ron made Hermione quiet.  
  
"No, it's all right." He let her go slowly. "It's not your fault."  
  
Ron's face was wet of tears. He tried to smile but wasn't able to.  
  
"It's okay. Now I know how everything is. Then I won't hold on untrue hopes."  
  
Hermione reached for his hand. She wanted to calm him down.  
  
"You can't male somebody love you only because you love the person. Please don't feel guilty. It's not you fault!"  
  
Ron felt Hermione squeezing his hand harder.  
  
"Ron, if I can help you somehow..."  
  
He looked up in Hermione's sad eyes.  
  
"Hermione... May- May I hold you one more time?"  
  
Hermione was wondering. But she wasn't able to look at how depressed and sad Ron was. Slowly she placed her arms around his neck and squeezed her crying friend. Over all this Hermione had forgotten her own sadness. But now everything came up again. She had to think about Harry and began sobbing. So they sat for some minutes, crying in each others arms.  
  
Slowly less raindrops fell from the sky, soon the rain stopped completely. The wind continued blowing through the trees.  
  
"I think we should go in again."  
  
The two let each other go.  
  
"Yes."  
  
They got up and went back to the castle. Before opening the door the two just stood there for some seconds.  
  
"Ron, I'm so-"  
  
"No, you don't have to be sorry! Thanks, Hermione. It was good to speak. It was good to know the reality-"  
  
"Shhh! Just forget it."  
  
The two looked each other in the eye for a very short time, then they went into the Great Hall. Together they walked to the Gryffindor tower which they reached after walking through some corridors.  
  
"Mousetail."  
  
The entry hidden behind the portrait of the fat lady opened.  
  
Without looking at Hermione Ron walked through the common room and went up to his bedroom.  
  
Hermione looked after him. She had to admit that Ron was really nice and lovely and that he was really good-looking with his thin and high body and his flaming red hair.  
  
Hermione went to her bedroom, too. She let herself fall onto her bed without taking off her wet clothes, closed her eyes and kept brooding.  
  



End file.
